I. The Lamer Section

Have you:

held hands with someone?
hugged somebody?
kissed a friend as a friendly gesture?
kissed a friend as an unfriendly gesture?
kissed a stranger as a friendly gesture?
kissed a stranger as an unfriendly gesture?
slow danced?
copped a feel while slow dancing?
slam danced?
copped a feel while slam dancing?
ballroom danced?
dirty danced ('grinding' counts. may be without a partner)?
asked someone who you were not going out with and had never gone out with if he/she was a virgin?
French kissed?
necked?
petted (not like what you do to your cat )?
attended sub races, watched for UFO's, or similar useless activity?
been the organizer of sub race watching, UFO watching, or similar useless activity?
hot tubbed in mixed company (Jacuzzi or hydropool)?
hot tubbed in the nude?
hot tubbed in the nude in mixed company?
while hot tubbing been groped under the water (by someone else)?
while hot tubbing groped someone under the water?
saunaed or steam bathed in mixed company?
in the nude?
in the nude in mixed company?
put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on someone (at beach or pool)?
had someone put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on you (at beach or pool)?
put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on someone at a time when they didn't 'need it (not in the sun)?
had someone put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on you when you didn't 'need' it?
played post office (or other kissing game)?
played pony express (post office with more horsing around)?
played doctor?
played Twister?
played Naked Twister?
played Monopoly?
played naked Monopoly?
played naked Monopoly involving physical contact ('I'll go down on you for Pennsylvania Avenue.')?
been hit by a thrown chalk eraser?
been hit by a chalk eraser thrown by the teacher?
been in intellectual combat with an unarmed person, and not given them a running head start?
slept on watch?
slept in your undies?
slept in someone else's undies?
slept in the nude?
slept with someone else (that is, you were actually unconscious with another unconscious person)?
slept nude with someone else?
slept with a nude person (you need not be nude yourself)?
slept in class?
Were you the teacher (professor, teaching assistant, etc.)?
upon waking , found your face in a puddle of drool (not necessarily your own)?
interrupted a lecture with your snoring?
slept in class in the nude?
bundled (the sharing of sleeping arrangements by persons of the opposite sex while clothed. In theory, nothing goes on.)?
played footsie or 'kneesie'?
played footsie or 'kneesie' with someone not your date, or other-half?
been unable to bundle without something steamy happening?
been in a food fight?
started a food fight?
photocopied parts of your body, such as your face, hands or feet?
read the Song of Solomon?
read National Geographic?
skimmed National Geographics for 'good parts'?
kissed and told?
been unable to cuss someone out in language acceptable in polite society (e.g. is your cursing run of the mill)?
cussed someone out above their vocabulary capabilities?
used 'fuck' as a noun, adverb, adjective, pronoun, infix, suffix, prefix or prepositional article in a sentence?
used 'fuck' (or a form of 'fuck') in all the aforementioned grammatical constructs in a single sentence (we're not giving going to figure out an example)?
done something that you don't want someone to know about (parents, employer, other-half, roommate)?
never been amused by something you consider too embarrassing to explain to others (most likely something you did)?
talked in your sleep?
conversed in your sleep?
cussed in your sleep?
walked in your sleep?
driven in your sleep (this is not falling asleep driving, this is you were asleep, in bed [or wherever] and you got up [still asleep] and went to your car and drove it)?
woken up having done something that might be considered really stupid (i.e. with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide in your hand, and a really bubbly-feeling stomach [true story])?
worn a strapless gown?
worn a strapless gown in public?
slept through class (as in, you were not in class, but, rather, asleep somewhere else)?
intentionally skipped class?
skipped class with teacher?
slept through an exam or test (either in or out of the class)?
skipped an exam or test?
skipped an exam or test with the teacher?
had someone refuse to be with your because you whistled dirty songs?
had someone refuse to be with you because you wouldn't take your hand out of your pants?
been a bore (not a pig-like thing in a previous life)?
been bar hopping?
been on a pub crawl (bar hopping while sloshed)?
been overcome by celibacy and didn't like it?
been overcome by celibacy and didn't really mind?
been afraid you were slipping into monogamy?
been afraid you were slipping into polygamy?
been to a cocktail party?
drank beer because you liked to piss?
tried to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop (it's NOT three)?
had a Chia Pet?
had a Chia Pet that 'lived' for more than a week?
had a Chia Head?
dyed or painted a pet strange colors (green, pink, purple, etc.)?
dyed your hair an outrageous color?
dyed your hair an outrageous color deliberately?
dyed your pubic hair an outrageous color deliberately?
dyed your pubic hair an outrageous color accidentally (if you answer 'yes' to this, we think it's story time)?
owned a Slinky?
ever gotten the damn thing to go all the way down the steps (staircases of less than five stairs don't count)?
hung a Slinky out a window?
owned a Bill The Cat doll?
hung Bill from the ceiling?
thrown Bill down the stairs?
thrown Bill out a window?
videotaped a throwing of Bill for later playback?
hung a stuffed animal in effigy?
owned or driven a VW Microbus (with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction)?





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