II. Who Says You Need a Partner?
OR I'm The Best I've Ever Had

(while most of the actions described here are usually done in private, it counts if others were present)

(notably, we ask that you refrain from doing them now)

Have you:

scratched and sniffed any catalog?
scratched and sniffed any person?
been sexually aroused?
been sexually aroused for no apparent reason (just walking down the street, watching the weather channel, etc.)?
had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (Wet Dreams and the like)?
skinny-dipped alone (bath tub doesn't count)?
read or bought erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals (often pronounced 'dirty magazines')?
read or bought pornographic material that might be described as really gross?
subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?(include alt.sex, alt.sex.whatever)
read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit books?
read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Came the Stranger)?
been bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature?
written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature?
written lust letters?
written lust letters to yourself anonymously?
misspelled 'dirty' words?
misspelled other words as 'dirty' words?
read any sex manuals (e.g. Joy of Sex, Everything you always wanted to Know about Sex)?
Did you find them too complicated?
read Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis?
read the Kama Sutra?
not believed that humans could bend that way?
proven yourself wrong?
used the Kama Sutra as a checklist (or shopping list)?
read any Presidential report on obscenity?
underlined, or marked 'good' parts?
made an obscene phone call anonymously?
made an obscene phone call and identified yourself?
received an anonymous obscene phone call?
received an obscene phone call from someone you knew (phone sex doesn't count)?
received an obscene phone call and had it turn you on?
called any phone sex numbers (recorded or live)?
called a 1(800) phone sex number and tried to guess a credit card number?
Did it work?
recorded an obscene call for later playback?
worked at a live phone sex number?
had phone sex with a friend?
had phone sex with a complete stranger (dedicated phone sex numbers don't count)?
had computer sex with a friend (like phone sex, but using a chat program instead)?
had computer sex with a stranger?
masturbated (if you either blush at this question or answer 'no' to it, give up now and go listen to some Lawrence Welk)?
masturbated on a regular basis (more than once a week)?
masturbated on a set schedule (OOPS, gotta go, Mom. It's time for my 3:00 jerk-off)?
masturbated to orgasm (isn't that the point?)?
masturbated to orgasm more than four times in 24 hours?
masturbated to orgasm more than ten times in 24 hours?
masturbated to orgasm more than 24 times in 24 hours (yup, Bob, that'd be once an hour for a full day)?
masturbated to multiple orgasm?
fainted while masturbating as a result of orgasm?
target-practice masturbated (females, too; it IS possible)?
masturbated with a pillow or mattress?
masturbated onto a houseplant?
masturbated with a houseplant (as in, rubbing yourself with a houseplant, not masturbating at the same time as a houseplant)?
tried to masturbate with a houseplant you didn't realize (until it was too late) was prickly (damn cactus!)?
used an masturbatory aid (dildo, pocket pussy, etc.)?
used an inflatable doll for masturbating?
used a stuffed animal for masturbating?
masturbated against a house-hold appliance (i.e., washing machine on spin cycle)?
masturbated with food?
eaten the food afterward?
fed someone else the food afterward?
fed someone else the food without them knowing what you did to it?
fantasized about someone while masturbating?
fantasized about someone masturbating while masturbating?
fantasized about someone fantasizing about you masturbating while masturbating?
fantasized about someone of the opposite sex masturbating while masturbating?
fantasized while masturbating that you were of the opposite sex?
masturbated while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature?
masturbated while reading textbooks (biology or human sexuality doesn't count)?
masturbated while watching an R, NC-17, or X rated movie in private (cable, videotape, or film)?
masturbated while watching an R, NC-17, or X rated movie in public (a theater)?
masturbated while on the phone (no kinky interpretations of 'on the phone'. This means you were talking to somebody through the phone lines while you were masturbating. The other party need not know what you were doing, you little pervert)?
masturbated while driving?
masturbated in a car with someone else driving?
masturbated in a public bathroom?
masturbated in a public bathroom of the opposite sex?
masturbated in any public place?
masturbated in the wild?
masturbated where there was the possibility of being caught?
been caught masturbating?
adjusted your genitals in public (you'd think they'd be set at the factory)?
tried to perform oral sex on yourself (yes, it IS possible)?
successfully performed oral sex on yourself?
Did you have an orgasm?
Did you swallow?
'basted' yourself (inserting a turkey baster into a major orifice and doing the suction thing)?
inserted anything into your rectum and then walked around all day (with whatever it was still in your ass)?
insert anything into or fasten anything around your genitals and walk around all day with it in place?
affected an accent (SCA or Theater doesn't count)?
permanently affected an accent (Downtown Julie Brown was born and raised in NYC)?
asked a friend, of his/her new male 'friend', '.. is he hung'?
sent a candygram?
sent a strip-o-gram?
done a strip tease for someone else?
done a strip tease for yourself?
done a strip tease for relatives ('Thanksgiving dinner will have to wait because, Julie's going to STRIP FOR US!!')?
been to a burlesque show (Rocky Horror counts)?
been to a peep show?
been to a live sex show?
been to an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?
been to a private showing of an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie (The classic 'stag' party, even if you're female)?
held a private showing of an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?
'acted' in an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?
held a showing of the movie you were in?
practiced autoerotic asphyxia (trying to heighten your sexual pleasure through semi-suffocation)?
bought a codpiece?
made a codpiece?
worn a codpiece?
bought a padded bra?
'padded' a bra?
worn a padded bra (or improvised breasts)?
wished you were of the opposite sex?
decided that if you were to be of the opposite sex you'd want to be homosexual?
had a friend of the opposite sex that you traded clothes with?
had a sex change operation (they do amazing things with Velcro)?
woke up having had a sex change involuntarily?
worn clothing that was 'revealing' (either of your figure, or that emphasized 'strategic' locations)?
worn clothing that you didn't know was THAT revealing (like the seat has ripped out or such)?
gone for more than one day in the same set of underwear?
gone for more than one week in the same set of underwear?
been in public without wearing underwear?
regularly not worn underwear?
photocopied personal portions of your anatomy (tits, ass, or genitals)?
used them for Christmas (or other holiday) cards?
programmed a computer to orgasm (yours)?
programmed a computer to orgasm (the computer's)?
cruised (in an automobile)?
cruised the bars?
cruised the gay bars?
cruised the leather bars?
cruised the parallel bars?
used toys to act out fantasies (Barbie dolls, My Little Pony, GI Joe, Legos, etc.)?
owned an erotic art piece (like the cat woman's phallic symbol in A Clockwork Orange)?
bought a piece of art not realizing that it was erotic?
sculpted an erotic art piece out of a sculptable material (clay, wood, soap, etc.)?
sculpted anything erotic out of food (mashed potatoes, etc.)?
eaten the erotic food?
made an X rated snowman (or woman)?
engage sexually with said snowperson (Be sure you get verbal consent!)?

[you must start at the beginning to be scored]


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