Instructions for Use

This is a fairly long test consisting of 2000 questions. It starts out tame and gets progressively worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint). There are many ways of going about taking this test. You can, of course, as your right, guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself in your room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the most fun way to use this test is to hold a Purity Test Party. All you need is one copy of the test, and a bunch of friends. (Lots of writing implements and paper would be useful too.) The person with the copy of the test is the test administrator; s/he reads the questions out loud and everybody else writes down their answers. There is no definite rule whether the participants are required to divulge their answers; that is up to the group to decide. However, being open with your answers leads to some great conversations. But no matter what you decide, each person's purity score should be made common knowledge. (The person with the highest (or lowest) score gets to be giggled at for the rest of his/her life.) This works wonderfully at parties and lets everybody know who's easy and who isn't, so you'll know who to go home with.

Don't leave home without it. On the whole, this is biased for experience and, hence, age. If you're still too young to qualify, well, these things take time. Chaste makes waste. Virginity can be cured. Remember: the conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are perverts."

All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened to you subsequent to your weaning and babyhood/infancy. Anything that may have happened before that time is considered not standing and void.

Definitions (for the innocent, naive, or too busy):

Necking: the kissing or stroking of a person's head or neck, the stroking of arms, hands or back. Essentially cuddling. Nothing too serious.

Petting: the above plus the caressing or fondling of other portions of anatomy; through or underneath clothing. In other words, making out.

Sexual activity: all the above, plus what your puerile imagination dreams up. Doesn't necessarily mean penetration (but it can).

Other-Half: Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Spouse, Slave, Master, Mistress, Kept Man, etc.

Posslq: "Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters." Term lifted from the U.S. census form. Nice colloquialism for live-in lover.

Masturbation: voluntary touching of one's own genitals for purposes of receiving pleasure. Doesn't imply orgasm. Can be through clothing.

Mutual Masturbation: Technically, two (or more) people masturbating, who also happen to be together (only touching themselves). For purposes of this test, however, mutual masturbation will also be defined as two (or more) persons manually stimulating one another. Again, not necessarily to orgasm, and possibly through clothing.


This is a yes-or-no test, you don't really need to mark the no's, as you can easily subtract the total yes answers from 2000, and magically, you have the total no answers! We recommend counting with the little five-grouping technique (you know, four vertical slashes, and one diagonal across them for each group of five). When you are finished, count all the "yes" answers and divide that number by 20. That is your "percentage impurity." If you decide you'd rather have a percentage of purity, subtract the total yes's from 2000, and divide that number by 20. Basic math stuff.

We would now like to bring to your attention that there is no passing nor failing score. Therefore, one really shouldn't worry too much about getting a high (or low) score...even if you do get giggled at for the rest of your life. We would also like to say that it is absolutely impossible to get a "perfect" score (either pure or impure). So, don't worry, you can't look TOO dirty or innocent.


And, most of all, this is entertainment. Have as much fun in the taking as was had in the making.

Note to the test administrator:

Even though we tried to prevent it, this test can get monotonous. Try to "liven" it up by adding comments and goofiness wherever you want. Encourage testees to be open with their answers. Taking a break is allowed, but not recommended (you just get out of "the mood" to quickly). Plan on a few hours.

All right. Order some pizza. Get a keg. Smoke a bowl. Drop a hit. Whatever. Basically, have a party.

Continue to Credits & Disclaimer